Lesser-Known Dog Breeds - The Custard-Stirring Dog

The Custard-Stirring dog is a highly specialised breed originally developed to tend to the vast pots of custard that used to be found in the kitchens of country houses throughout the British Isles.

Selective breeding led to a dog with a long neck which enabled it to reach over the hot pot without burning itself. The coat doesn’t shed, which is very important as no one likes to get dog hair in their custard.

The dog is able to sit patiently for hours, methodically stirring the custard using a wooden spoon clenched in its jaws. It has an excellent grip and it can be difficult to persuade the dog to let go of a stick once it has it in its grasp.

One peculiar quirk of the breed is that it stirs the custard in a clockwise direction and cannot be trained out of this deeply ingrained trait. The only exception to this is the even more rare reverse-stirrer, but this variant is now believed to have died out. 

With the combination of the gradual decline of country homes, along with ever-increasing health and safety measures, the numbers of custard-stirrers began to dwindle, until by the early 20th century it was feared that it was difficult to keep the breed going.

Fortunately, the traits of this breed, it’s ability to sit patiently, concentrate fixedly on a task at hand, able to tolerate heat in n a workplace, able to put up with the sometimes eccentric nature of chefs, endeared this breed to a whole new audience - mad scientists.

Swapping country homes in remote locations for castle laboratories in every-remoter areas, and the creation of dessert for the creation of life itself, Custard-stirrers soon found regular  employ among a plethora of eccentrics, geniuses, and general madmen and women working on the very fringes of science and sometimes beyond it.

Traits of the breed

• The breed can tolerate high temperatures and is able to shrug off with ease occasional splashes of hot sauces and liquids.

• It doesn’t require so much exercise due to it’s preference for sitting near motionless for hour upon end. Although when push comes to shove it is able to put on an admirable turn of speed when fleeing from a mob of angry villagers along with its master.

• It has a short tail so that it can’t wag and then knock over kitchen implements and paraphernalia.

As the breed was originally developed for the vast kitchens of country houses, it is generally unsuited to the average-sized family house or apartment. This has led to the development of the miniature custard stirrer.

This intelligent breed was able to adapt to assisting in laboratories. Although perhaps if it was truly one of the most intelligent breeds it wouldn’t allow itself to hang around the sometimes unpredictable and hazardous working conditions.

Numbers have remained small although steady. There are occasional reports of dogs being lost in laboratory explosions or being transported to other dimensions. This has led to speculation beyond the boundaries of current reality that custard-stirrers have been able to inhabit other realms beyond our own.

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