I love bookstores. I always have.
I was fortunate to grow up in a family where everyone read. My father read history books.
For birthdays and Christmas I would often get book vouchers from relatives. It was always a thrill working going to a bookstore with the vouchers and seeing what I could get.
The trouble is that bookstores are dangerous places.
And this is not because of the exceedingly rare lesser spotted bookstore leopard. Which can only be found sitting on the top of bookshelves in large bookstores.
I generally prey on people in the academic section, as I find they are slower to move than those who browse the sports section
No, silliness aside, bookstores are dangerous because once I get a book in my hands, it is very difficult to resist the temptation to buy it.
So in an attempt to battle with this minor addiction, and the help my bank balance, and also knowing that there are countless of other bookworms who suffer from this similar affliction, I thought I would put together this article on how to visit a bookstore and not actually buy any books.
But wait, I hear you say, “Why don’t you simply not just go into the bookstore in the first place?” But that’s such a ridiculous notion that I’m not even going to entertain it in the first place.
Here Sue has almost made it to the cashier with a big pile of books.
Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a feathered intruded appears. A rare Paperback-Eagle has alighted on her pile of would-be purchases, looking to line its nest with pages of pulp fiction. Let’s face it, some books are more suitable for this purpose than others.
Bring a goat?
Here I employed Gerald the Goat to eat any books before I had a chance to buy them. Unfortunately, this idea had a fatal flaw: I had to pay for all the books that Gerald ate.
Rob and Sumo
Living in Japan, I was able to take advantage of using sumo wrestler, who in-between tournaments was able to accompany me to bookstores and sit on me before I was able to reach the cashier.
Extendo-hands
If you’re like me, the greatest danger is when you make physical contact when you pick up the book - all those tactile sensations: the weight of the book turning the pages, even the smell of the book itself. All of that combines to make it really difficult to put the book down.
One way of keeping some distance between you and the book is to use extendo-hands.
Ulysses
Those Greek heroes became legendary for battling a variety of monsters, but sometimes it was a case of brain over brawn. One such example is Ulysses (also known as Odysseus).
Ulysses wanted to hear the beautiful voices of the sirens, dangerous creatures who used their enchanting voices to lure sailors onto the rocks surrounding their island.
Ulysses had his men’s ears blocked with wax, so they couldn’t steer the ship off it’s path, and for safe measure had himself tied to the mast. It worked, Ulysses and his crew steered past the dangerous damsels and was able to resist their allure.
Ulysses was smart enough to know that he couldn’t rely on will-power alone to resist temptation, and it that’s a good idea for a Greek hero, then maybe it’s a good idea for us too.
What’s next?
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